OXFORD AND WARWICK
So another miserable day in our Ford Mustang Convertible. Off behind me is Lake Mead...it's not real you know. It's the backed up Colorado River because some giant Canadian beaver built the biggest dam in the world. Well him and a few other folks, a few thousand other folks, 96 of which died. Some fell, some drowned, some got hit by things from above. Still in the dirty 30's it was a decent day's wage of like $20. It is considered #2 of the man made wonders of the world after the pyramids. It was originally called the Boulder Dam but it was built with a bunch of cement, not just a few boulders. So they named it the Hoover Dam after some president named Herbert Hoover. No relation to the vacuum folks or so I'm told.
It was sure a long way down from the top. Do you know it's half in Nevada and half in Arizona and sometimes there is an hours difference between one side of the dam and the other. I walked all the way across and through and into the ventilation tube and into the area where they diverted the river while building the dam. Did I mention it's HUGE! It isn't really attached on either side so it can survive like a 8.6 earthquake and the stairs inside are curved just like the dam.
It was Good Friday and apparently was one of the busiest days ever at Hoover Dam. They were a bit overwhelmed (to say the least). Tours backed up, elevators took forever (it's over 700 stairs up if the elevator doesn't work). We waited a long time for it.
After the tour we walked the dam and it was dam hot I'll tell you that. I don't know how hot but that cement holds a lot of heat. We needed an ice-cream and frozen juice bar after that. Getting that wind in our hair driving back to Las Vegas in the convertible was the best way to cool down.
Now in the pictures below you're gonna notice that above the water the cliffs are 1/2 white. That's because that's where the water mark is, at the top of the white. The drought has been so bad that Lake Mead is like 35% full only. It's been dropping steadily over the last 8-9 years. Scary when you look at it.
After the dam it was a stop at the Welcome to Las Vegas sign where there is always a line and weddings and stuff. There was an altercation between my Dad and some, well, they looked like Arabs. The cut into the line and were pushing their way into people's photos.
No don't be doing that because when my Dad gets mad he gets loud...and I mean LOUD. The entire line, if not all of Vegas heard him holler at the to line up. Next thing you knew the line up was on Dad's side. We thought maybe there was gonna be trouble and everyone would wind up in jail or worse. But the VOICE scared them. Maybe me olde Dad missed his calling. He could scare off terrorists just with his voice alone.
Then we cruised the Vegas strip with the top down before dropping off the car. It was a pretty darn good day. Check out the dam dam and Vegas strip photos in my stunning photo slide show below.
All you need to gain entry into Area 51 is some staff ID and to be a friend of the director of the facility. (Known as the National Atomic Testing Museum). That's it's code name.
The following information is classified so do not repeat, report or retain anything you may learn in the next 2 minutes.
Area 51 is real
Area 52 is real
Aliens are real
Stealth aircraft are built and studied here.
The alien was allowed out of his usual confinement on the stretcher and was supplied clothing so he could be disguised as my friend and traveling companion. The area also contains nuclear warheads and lots of super secret stuff. Normie my brother and scientist kept busy checking for radiation.
Upon viewing the following slide show please delete all images from your memory.
After this we headed to the Luxor to see "Bodies" the exhibition. What is "Bodies". Well it's real people with all their skin removed so you see muscles and tendons and stuff (their dead though). They even got dangly bits still hanging there and preserved and then there are tons of organs. The coolest thing was that there were physical therapists in there and they were learning all this stuff like how the muscles actually attached to the tendons and stuff. They were learning so much it was cool to see how excited they were. We weren't allowed to take pictures but maybe the Ipod slipped out for a giant spleen shot and maybe it didn't. Not posted because...well...it's strictly against the rules. The girl cleaning the cases with all the body bits showed us a real guy sliced up the way an MRI would scan you. Now it all makes sense how an MRI works. It is a must see for any medical person or student. It's kind of creepy that everyone pointed to stuff on the bodies and their fingers were like 1 mm away from the dead guy yet everyone did it.
First order of business....employ military personnel to pick you up in a Humvee. Learn how he preferred to drive tanks (better to drive your weapon than carry it). Report immediately to Battlefield Vegas. Approach personnel and obtain weapons and ammunition. Arsenal includes:
1 Uzi (fully automatic)
1 Heckler and Koch SR9 target sniper rifle
1 M16 (fully automatic)
1 Barret M107 - Al 50 Cal
1 SVD - Dragunov
Go to range with goggles and ear protection. Fire your weapons and nail that target (oh he's dead all right).
Try to remove happy grin from your face.
Check out various military vehicles on site.
Purchase staff style Battlefield Vegas golf shirts so everyone stops you assuming you are staff for the next two days. Tell a lot of folks to go visit Battlefield Vegas.
After your trip, head back down the Vegas strip in your Humvee cuz it's way cooler than a limo.
It's then time to check out Caesars Palace and say hi to Joe Lewis and then pose with an adorable little couple that are almost cuter than you.
Day 1 - If anyone tells you I got high in Vegas it's because I went on the world's tallest, highest, super big Ferris Wheel. Best way to get high if you ask me. It's called the High Roller and it takes 30 minutes to revolve one time. I think the balls you travel in are super cute, big though. You could fit like, I dunno, maybe 40 people in one ball. That equals 4 humans and me and my brothers in what they refer to as a "cabin". Minus the woods and the outhouse.
Best time to go is dusk and if you time it right you can see the sunset and the lights. I was out by about 30 minutes. Still super fun to ride. (Hint - really good gelato stop nearby once you depart. Heading towards the strip on the right hand side).
Now in order to feel like a high roller you gotta lose big. Note to self...beware of guys named "Guy" who hang out in the Miracle Mile. He was the very best salesman I have ever met. Did I need to drop $1400 at this shop...no...did I...yes. You see he was Italian and funny and because we decided he was the best salesman in the world we bought everything he could find to sell. I do have to say the solar powered charger for the Ipod works like a hot dam (not the Hoover that's another day and it was a HOT DAM). So beware...do not approach "Guy the Italian Guy".
So it's that time again...heading to Vegas tomorrow. Well it's Victoria, Seattle and then Vegas. This time we are in search of the mob. Goin full on gangster with weapons training and maybe a police line-up if we get caught. You just never know what's afoot. Since Don Rickles just passed the last of the Vegas entertainers, Rich Little, is on our agenda. Maybe we'll go and hang out at Wayne Newton's house if he's home. We'll knock on the door and see what happens. Maybe he'll like me enough to invite me in. You just never know. Watch this channel.